U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
