i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
There's something really special about 3:00 in the afternoon drunk that just can't be duplicated at any other time of day.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Randomize
