I hate all girls vehemently.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
