tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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