just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Randomize
