I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Sacagawea was the original milf.
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
MILK DIDN'T HELP. IT'S NOT HELPING
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
