The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I will pray to the gods of eye bleach for you
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
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