he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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