Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
