while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
