did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
