So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Randomize
