I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I think my vagina is haunted
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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