You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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