Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
