I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
And then the night went full on bisexual.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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