I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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