I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
is that a dick in a sweater?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
Randomize
