just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
I need a beard to bite.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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