dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
You showed up at my front door in a bikini with a fifth of tequila it was like the opening to a porno
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
