There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Randomize
