dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize