Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
I got inside last night via doggy door
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
