so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
