Already got asked if we're dating
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
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