I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
