i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
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