This dress was meant to end up on your floor
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
