He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Haha at least the one I have like that you can't tell we are completely drunk and you're about to kick a glass out of my hand in a fit of joy over pizza.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
