dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Randomize
