apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Randomize
