he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
