Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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