I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
