His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
