i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
