His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
it was like his penis was on wheels.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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