Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Who knew that "When in doubt, pelvic thrust" would end up being the best motto ever? In other news, I think I may have joined roller derby.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
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