Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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