I smell stomach acid.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
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