i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Randomize
