saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
My alarm went off and I went straight for your dick. That's dedication.
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
Randomize
