he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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