Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
you inspire me to be a worse person
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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