My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
