We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
