apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
All I remember is the bartender saying your sucking them down and waking up on the floor in my underwear
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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