So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Let's just say that I took off my pants and I had superman boxers on. Then she took off her pants and she had batman panties on. I think she's the one!
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
