we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
How external is "for external use only"?
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
