just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Randomize
