cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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