john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
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