Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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