Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
Randomize
