her vagine was all disorganized.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
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