How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
I'm on a cruise to the Bahamas and this text message is gunna cost me $10 but I need you to pray on my behalf for the things I'm about to do these 2 girls and what I did last night to a 35 year old mother of 3.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
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