Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
I would say I miss her friendship, then I remember that she gave 4 guys the clap. I'm good.
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize
