walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
