I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
Randomize
