Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
It's Friday. Sex?
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
