What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
