To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
