This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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