sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
