i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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