Banned from zoo.
Again?
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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