he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Randomize
