holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
